First Semester Division Recaps
We asked the boys heading up each LUG to division to write up a few Nobel worthy words on the season so far. While LUG Commissioners are from poets, the boys buckled down post-exam and put together the best series of Fake News around.
Before we dive in, make note of the re-start dates for each division below.
Kingston/Ottawa/Brock - Monday January 8th
Waterloo - Tuesday January 9th
Windsor/Hamilton - Wednesday January 10th
London - Monday January 15th
WAG CUP - MARCH 24th LONDON - RACE TO THE WAG IS ON LADS
Aberdeen is buzzing this year with the most teams it’s ever seen with a hefty 18. The Shrivlers, a team of first year try hards are out the gate shocking many teams in the league being 3rd place in the league. The Alecoholics are still boozy sitting in second and the Dragonslayers are pulling some George RR Martin Fire and Ice shit being in 1st place with only 1 regulation loss. Griffin “Big Red” Owen is running the league in PIMS, seeing as his only asset is running his mouth and Geordie McGuire is leading all of LUG with points at a heavy 29. Will the Dragonslayers hold the top spot? Or will one Aberdeen team pull a Flint Tropics NBA merger push and come out of nowhere? Who knows.
St. George Lookback
How the mighty have fallen – kind of – as last year’s finalists, the Ducks and Liquor Falcons, currently sit outside the top 3. The London St. George Division has seen the number of teams rise for the 2017-2018 season as well as the competition. With the addition of a couple first year squads with fresh legs and lungs, these boys are starting to learn the ways of LUG. All players in the league were given Gym Bags, Helmet Stickers and tons of coupons from partnerships in London from Pizza Pizza, Bull & Barrell and Muskoka Brewry. We even saw Jack Hutton and the Liquor Falcons throw a nasty team shirt launch party, with a little bit of gitch from Coors. Up until week 8, It is Michael Moriyama and the Quebec Longdiques that have shocked the field and been the team to beat, setting the pace at the top of the table. This is behind goaltender Nik Farrus playing like a vintage Bobby Lu in the cage, having a 7-1 record to start off the year. On the Art Ross front, LUG rookie and point leader James Turner from The Mighty Tucks has taken the league by storm, showing what a year of Junior can do for one’s game. Looking forward to an even more high octane second half, and we’ll see if anyone separates themselves from the pack and takes home The Aki Berg Cup.
Great maiden voyage for the Hess Division so far. FirstOntario Centre as home ice was an absolute game changer, stands may look empty but we're positive there's at least 1 scouty at every game. The Jagr Bombs had a quick start in the first half of the season with 12pts, but the Bardown Beauties are keeping pace with 10pts in the hottest rivalry in the Division. Big questions need to be answered in the second half of the season, such as; Can the Dirty Dogs win a game? Will Dennon Koziol break the epic 50 point plateau and push himself into contention for Beautician of the Year? It's too soon to tell but tune into Hockey Central at Noon to find out more.
After losing our virginity last year, the 2nd season of LUG in Waterloo has seen the league balloon from 4 to 8 teams. And it seems like the new-comers are starting to take over! The Fighting Amish have come out the gates like a couple of stallion cut loose from their wagons with a 9 and 0 start of the season. Jesse Colling has looked unstoppable amassing a massive 23 points. With the amount of centre ice suey's this guy receives if it was a contact league we'd have a couple of conckie's to report and a trip to the LTIR. Huge shoutout to our newly acquired Bar sponsor Chainsaw, and the first ever players scouted from the LUG: Reid Humphrey and Thomas Bryne by the Ayr Centennials. It just goes to show that the dream never dies. Come to the rink, work hard, and you could find yourself on a 4th line Jr C team too. Big things and more great hockey to come!
What can we say? The first months of the Byward division and Ottawa have been bonkers. First shoutout goes to Book Hockey. Not only have these guys found a team name that looks academic AND greasy but these guys have been a red light factory absolutely pumping the Whiskey’d Hicks in the opening game and continue to lead the league in goals. E Turner and A Salahor have been absolutely electric. Keep it up boys. Up next T Greshuk, the goalie of the Cherry Pickers. This guy has been lights out. Shave a few more points off the GAA and we'd expect Burke to reach out for a 3rd string role on the Canadian Olympic squad. We almost had to suspend him he’s been robbing so many plugs. C-Eng have been a force under Coach Stumpf’s leadership, the Whiskey’d Hicks are sucking, and the Regina Pounders are in a rebuild year. Focus on your game and don’t let school distract you.
Campbell Division Essay
The LUG Campbell division has seen some fierce competition in its second year of action, with multiple contenders for the Bob Probert Memorial Trophy.
Leading the league in points is the Julien Bonniere with 16 and Adam Burt with 10, looking like a more attractive Steven Stamkos and Nikita Kucherov combo.
An early contender for the Maurice Richard is the young Michael Dominato, with teammate Dylan Kimmerly supporting him with 5 apples. The NoDekes are leading the league for a second straight year going into Christmas break and are showing signs of slowing down. Goalie Brett Giroux is also keeping the pucks out of the net, posting up a 1.8 GAA.
The Torts Illustrated began their season on an undefeated hot streak, but were upset in a tight game against the Unhealthy Scratches. The Torts sit in second place but Assistant Captain Anthony D’Angelo says they have nothing to worry about because when it comes down to it they’re still jacked, lawyers, and lawyers win when its important. Goalie and Green Party voter Cam Taylor sits in second place nationally in the LUG with a 1.2 GAA, and has been keeping just about everything out of the net. Kyle Kuczynski and Niall Sweeney have also been bringing some much needed offence to the team both from the front and back end, while star centreman Spencer Withers is having a slow start to the season due to “off ice issues”.
The Jimmy Beautrons sit in third place with an above .500 record and some young talent to boast about. Leading the league in points is the Julien Bonniere with 16 and Adam Burt with 10, looking like a more attractive Steven Stamkos and Nikita Kucherov combo. Captain Adam Burt decided to rebuild the team after a terrible 16-17 season with the former Peckerheads and recruited players such as Sean Frankland and Matthew “Johnny” Himmel to bring some much needed scoring. Goalie Brandon Track has also fought back after a difficult 16-17 campaign and is keeping games as tight as the skinny jeans he wears.
The Unhealthy Scratches are a new young team, that has seen some success in the later half of the season taking down the undefeated Torts Illustrated near the end of the semester. This team of late 20s law students and first year undergrads has seen a lot of chemistry, all brought on by the leadership of Keegan McAvoy and Kyle Apsey. Let’s see if this Oilers-esque squad will have the power to be a contender in the new year.
Trimtrag Trading, led by the leadership of a young Saku Koivu in Ricky Friedberg, has had a good start to the season with some tight games. With a couple wins and some tight games against Torts Illustrated, goalie Tristan Miller is an early candidate for the Vezina, standing on his head every game. Their inability to put the puck in the net might come from the recent dressing room tension between coach Jordan Cantor and sniper Ilan Levy. We’ll see if Coach Cantor can get more out of his star Bay Street winger in the new year.
The Net Sticks and Chill have had a difficult start to the season after a 16-17 rebuild lead by rookie and captain Riley Brooks. Riley has promised that the new year will bring some wins, or he’s not a hot guy. Player Coach Shawn Quigg plans to use some Mike Babcock “Saskatchewan Science” and run some Christmas break 6 AM practices to get his team in shape. Also look out for star DMan, Jason Boissonneault lighting it up on both ends of the ice.